Revenge
by uniqueforlife
Summary: He watched as it all fell into place. All the planning. All the late nights. All those months. It was all worth it now. He was going to get his revenge.
1. Chapter 1

The morning started off like many before. His soft lips caressed her shoulder leaving a tingly feeling behind as he moved towards the centre of her back. She lies there for a minute, enjoying him being there before rolling around to face towards him. She looks into those blue eyes and thinks to herself. _Why does something so wrong feel so right?_

"Hey beautiful" he whispers into her ear.

"Hi" was all she managed to reply with before his lips met her own. They continued to kiss for a few minutes before she glanced at the clock.

"Shit, Sam its twenty to seven we're going to be late for work." She quickly got out of bed and started towards the bathroom until she noticed Sam was just lying there watching her. She gave him a look that asked what on earth he was doing.

"What?" He replied innocently. "We can't be a little late just once"

"Sam" she stated giving him another look warning him not go down this line.

"Fine." He said simply as he slowly got out of bed and walked around the room collecting his clothes which had been discarded the night before and pulled them back on. "See you at work." He said giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving her apartment to make his own way to work so they didn't draw attention to themselves.

She stood there for a moment hand on her cheek and smiling. She looked at the clock again. 6:45. _Dammit. _She hurried into to the bathroom to get ready and attempt to make it to work on time.

…..

Running down the street towards SRU office, Sam had debated returning home to change his clothes before going to work but figured that one he didn't have time and two no one saw him leave the day before so they would be none the wiser. Turning the last corner he slowed his pace down and checked the time. 6:59. He made it. Entering the building he greeted Winnie and made his way to the locker room to get his gear on.

"Team 1 Hot Call" Winnie sounded on the speakers. He immediately shut his locker doors and made his way out to greet the rest of the team. Jules must have arrived late as she was still fixing her shirt as she made the way up to the rest of them. Having received details on the call the team made their way down to the SUV's and set off for downtown.


	2. Chapter 2

He watched as the blonde man left the apartment block and took of running down the street. Starting his car engine he pulled slowly out of his parking space and followed the man from a distance. It would soon be time for him to make the call. The call that would mark the beginning of the end for this man. _Its time for him to get what's coming to him._

…..

Arriving at the scene where the shots were heard to be fired the team exited their vehicles and stood looking at the abandoned warehouse. Ed immediately taking command as team leader pulled out his phone which contained a picture of the blueprints to the building that Spike had found for him on the way over and began to look for possible points of entry. Sam took his place beside him and the two talked through their options before deciding that Sam and Raf would be team Bravo entering through the back while Jules and Ed would be team Alpha and go through the front.

It had taken them fifteen minutes to get there and with no further shots being fired during that time Ed had told the team that they were going to make an aggressive entry on arrival but to be careful as they didn't know what they were walking into.

Communicating over the radio the two teams had simultaneously entered the building and proceeded to clear it room by room until they each finished their half of the building.

"Boss, North side is clear" Sam said over the radio.

"South side clear too boss" Ed announced in slightly annoyed tone.

Sam knew why he was using that tone of voice. It had been a prank call and that only meant one thing. He and the rest of the team now had the enjoyment of listening Ed go on about how prank calls were a waste of time and resources and that it should be illegal to do it. Of course Sam knew Ed was right it was to an extent and that it took time away from people who really needed their help but he couldn't help but laugh at how frustrated Ed would get.

With Ed beginning to rant at Spike who was lucky enough to riding in the SUV with Ed that day, the team began their journey back to HQ.

…

His car was parked just across the street from where the three black SUVs were now situated. He had watched as they had spilt up into teams and worked their way through the building trying to find the non-existent gunman. He saw them packing up to leave. He smiled. _Phase 1 complete. Now for phase 2. _

…...


	3. Chapter 3

The feeling of his phone buzzing against his leg alerted him to his newly received text. Opening the phone he read it to himself. 'Phase 1 is done. Proceed with phase 2.' It was from his accomplice. He had ensured team 1 were out of the building and preoccupied while he carried his part of the plan.

Pulling his laptop onto his knee he began to hack into the electricity grid for the area before shutting it off leaving the 10 blocks surrounding the SRU base and the base itself with no power. Quickly exiting his car, he made his way to the back of the SRU building to find the fire exit. One turn of the handle opened the door as its electronic lock had been temporarily disabled. He slipped inside and made his to into the SRU reception area. As expected there was nobody at the desk; they would be away trying to start up the back up generator. With ease he found his way to the men's locker room and walked over to the appropriate locker.

Gaining access easily he scanned the contents looking for his goal. He found it sitting at the back right hand corner on the shelf. Pulling the medicine tub towards him he quickly glanced at the label to make sure he had the right thing. 'Sam Braddock. Take one tablet once a day.' Opening the lid he poured out the tablets into his hand before shoving them into his left pocket. Glancing behind him to ensure he had not been seen, he pulled a bag of tablets from his other pocket and emptied them into the container still in his hand. Pushing the lid back on and replacing the tub where he found it, he shut the locker and turned to leave the building.

Having met no obstacles on his way out of the building he returned to his car to reply to the earlier text. 'Phase 2 is finished.' Having sent his text, he started up his car and headed off to continue the plan.

…

Arriving back at the office Sam noticed that there were no lights or computers on in the reception area and Winnie was gone. Confused he turned to his team who seemed to be matching his feeling. He was about to ask what was going on when the lights turned back on and Winnie entered the room. Before he or anyone else could say anything Winnie explained that there had been a power cut and that she had left to turn on the back up generator. Satisfied with the update the team separated and Sam headed for the locker room to take his tablet.

He had fallen the previous week and his back had been giving him trouble since so the doctor had given him some tablets to take to ease the pain. Opening his locker he pulled out the container and took out one of the tablet from inside. With the aid of a drink of water he swallowed the tablet and left to find the others to see what they were doing for the rest of the day.

He had just made it to the briefing room where the rest of the team had now gathered when Winnie sounded over the speakers.

"Team 1, hot call"

Greg began walking over to her to find out what was going on.

"What's happening Winnie?"

"We are getting reports of gunfire coming from an office building downtown. People are phoning from inside the building and from what we can tell there is one armed man in the reception area with several hostages"

"All right team lets get down there" Greg announced and they all hurried off.

…

Arriving at the scene the team had found out from the police that were already there that there was one man armed with a handgun inside the building with an unknown number of hostages. There had been three shots fired initially but none in the last fifteen minutes.

Examining the building Ed saw that two sides of the ground floor level were glass but from where the team was currently situated they didn't have a very good visual inside so he instructed Sam to go and try and find a Sierra shot while Spike tried to access the security cameras inside the building and Greg initiated contact.

Sam had quickly scanned the surrounding buildings and found one that seemed like the best option to get a shot from. Grabbing his riffle from the back of the SUV he set of for the roof of the building. He had made it halfway up the stairs leading to the roof when he had to stop. His head was spinning slightly and he felt a bit nauseous. Leaning against the wall he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. _Must be coming down with something._

After a minute or two of standing there he pushed himself off the wall and continued up the stairs pushing away the dizzy feeling as he went. Reaching the roof he immediately walked to the end and began to set up his riffle. After only a few seconds he had found the shot.

"Boss, I have the solution" he reported down to Greg.

"Sierra hold" Greg replied.

Sam continued to look through the scope of the riffle but removed his finger from the trigger. He could hear through the team radio that Greg was talking to the subject but he was having trouble getting through to him.

Eventually after an hour and a half of talking the subject had began to de-escalate and Greg managed to get him and the hostages out without anyone being harmed. Sam was still up on the roof when the negotiations ended and he was thankful that he had not need to take the shot mostly because it meant he hadn't had to take a life today but also partly because he wasn't sure he would have been able to take the shot if he had to.

Over the last hour he had developed a bad headache and was feeling dizzier and dizzier by the minute. He unsteadily got to his feet and began to pack up his stuff trying to shake away the dizziness. Having collected all his gear Sam had told the team he was on his way down and walked towards the door.

Reaching the door he stretched out his arm to open it but before he had touched the handle the door swung out towards him. Not expecting the sudden movement the door hit him on the side of the head and he stumbled backwards. Regaining his balance, he bent over slightly resting he hands on his legs for extra support. He was even dizzier now than before and his vision had become slightly blurred so when he looked up he could only see a dark figure emerge through the door.

The figure quickly approached him. Sam tried to straighten himself up to face whatever was coming but he was too dizzy and quickly doubled over again to prevent himself from falling over. Tilting his head up he saw the figure reach his side and bring something hard and cold down to the side of his head. That was the last straw. He lost his balance and fell onto his back. He saw the man towering over the top of him before everything went black and he lost consciousness.

…

**Authors Note: **Just a wee note to say that I'm probably not going to be able to update this for a while. I'm going on holiday on Saturday for 11 days so will not be able to post anything while away. However will try to update as soon as I can when I get back but just so you know it may be about two weeks before another update.


	4. Chapter 4

Staring down at the unconscious man lying on the ground he couldn't help but smile. His plan had worked. He breathed a sigh of relief that taking the risk of breaking into the SRU office in order to drug him had paid off. The man had been weakened and therefore easily overpowered by himself. He realised he probably didn't have much time before someone noticed the missing presence of their team member so he got to work.

He crouched down next to the man and started by turning off his radio so that there was no chance of anyone overhearing him. Next he lifted the man up slightly to remove his bulletproof vest tossing it to the side before dropping him back onto the ground. He checked the man for weapons taking anything he found throwing it on top of the vest. Feeling satisfied that the man was safe enough to transport he walked round to his head, grabbed the man by he wrists and started dragging him towards the door.

Standing at the top of a flight stairs just inside the door he whistled causing his partner who was standing at the bottom of them keeping watch to look up. He gave him a slight nod signalling that he had him and to come up and help move him. Together the picked the unconscious man up and started moving down the stairs.

The building had fifteen floors and so had a lot of stairs but the two men were in shape so had managed to get down the stairs quickly even with the extra weight they were carrying. Reaching the basement level which contained a car park the quickly exited through the door and headed straight for the van they knew was waiting for them.

Within seconds the men had reached the van, threw the man they were carrying into the back one man going with him the other into the driver's seat and started the engine. He was about to drive away when he suddenly turned round to his partner.

"Did you take care of the security cameras?" Urgency was clear in his voice as he realised he had forgotten about them earlier.

"Relax. Disabled them all before we entered the car park. No one will have any evidence we were here." His partner slickly.

* * *

Nodding he turned back around and began to drive out of the car park and towards the next location.

"What's taking him so long?" Jules said to no one in particular. She was beginning to get impatient. While he had been up there packing up his riffle the rest of the team had managed to arrest the suspect, ensure all hostages were all right, clear the rest of the building, hand the scene over to the police and pack up the SUV's ready to leave. _Put the gun in the bag and walk down the stairs. What's so hard about that?_

Jules was leaning against one of the SUV's with the rest of the team standing around her. She looked at their faces and saw they were all beginning to get a bit impatient each of them glancing frequently to the building Sam was in. She was just about to have another rant in her mind about how long it was taking him to come down when Greg's voice interrupted her.

"Sam, what's taking so long?" Greg was saying over the radio.

No answer came.

"Sam, you there?" Greg's voice had more insistency this time. It wasn't like Sam not to answer.

Still no answer.

"Sam, answer me, where are you?"

The third time no answer came Jules had a small wave of worry pass over her. Looking around at her team she saw their faces all seemed to say the same thing. That they had begun to worry too.

"Ed, you and Jules go up to the roof and check on Sam" Greg had instructed.

She didn't need to be told twice. The second she had said it she had taken of running for the building with Ed following behind. _It's probably nothing. Just got himself locked out on the roof or something. You're worrying over nothing. Relax. _

Entering the building the pair took off up the stairs. They hadn't come across anybody on the way up so they figured Sam was still on the roof and had expected to see him when the went through the door at the top of the stairs.

Opening the door and stepping onto the roof Jules began to look around but her eye was instantly caught by the items lying on the ground. Sam's bulletproof vest, his gun, his radio and the riffle were all laying in a heap a few steps away from the door. Jules immediately began searching the roof for Sam with her eyes but the search turned up empty. Moving over to the pile of Sam's belongings on the ground her mind was working over time. _Where's Sam? What's happened? Is he okay?_

Ed couldn't hide the fact that he had been shocked to find Sam's stuff on the roof but no Sam. He had walked around the whole roof looking everywhere but Sam wasn't there and he had no idea where he was.

"Ed, what's happening?" Greg's voice sounded over the radio.

"Boss, Sam's gone." He replied his tone full of disbelief.


	5. Chapter 5

"What do you mean he's gone?" Greg replied quickly hoping that he has misheard Ed.

"I mean that we are on the roof and Sam's stuff is here but he isn't." Disbelief was evident in Ed's voice as he spoke. He couldn't believe that Sam had disappeared in the middle of a crime scene.

"Are you sure he hasn't just went inside to use the toilet and he was coming back for his gear?" Greg had to think about all the possibilities before he could say Sam was definitely missing.

"Boss I don't think he would have left his vest behind if he was just going to the toilet."

"His vest is there too?" Greg asked confused. He had assumed by stuff Ed had meant his riffle but if his vest is there as well that changes things.

"Yeh Boss, his riffle, vest, radio and gun are all here."

"Ed, I need you and Jules to sweep the building starting at the top working your way down to see if anybody has seen Sam."

"Yes boss" Ed replied and set off with Jules hoping they would run into Sam on their way.

Greg turned to the remaining two members of the team who were looking at him with worried expressions.

"Spike, I need you to access the security cameras and see if you can find anything telling us where Sam went."

"On it boss"

"Raf, you and I are going to do the same as Ed and Jules but working from the bottom up." Greg instructed and he set off for the building with Raf hot on his heels. _What's going on Sam? Where are you?_

* * *

Opening his eyes Sam was forced to blink a few times so that the room would stop spinning and he could see where he was. He had woken up a few minutes ago but his giant headache had meant he had sat with his eyes closed trying to force away some of the pain away so he could focus. Deciding he needed to see what was going on he opened his eyes only to find the room spinning around him. Having managed to get his vision under control Sam began to look around. He saw that he was sitting in the middle of a room that was reasonably big. The walls, floor and ceiling were all made of concrete. There were no windows and the only door was in the middle of the wall in front of Sam.

Sam tried to see if he could move but quickly learned that he was handcuffed to the chair he was sitting on. He was about to see if he could work his way out of them when the door in front of him opened. He watched as two men walked inside shutting the door tightly behind them.

The men were standing in the shadows just inside the door and Sam squinted to try and see them better but to no avail. All he could see was the dark outline of the men.

"So sleeping beauty you have finally decided to grace us with your presence have you?" one of the men said to Sam.

He recognised that voice. He couldn't remember who it belonged to our where he heard it but he had definitely heard it before.

"What do you want?" Sam replied getting to the point.

"Money, fancy car, big house, oh wait do you mean with you? Well I just want a little quality time."

"Who are you?" he couldn't hold the question in that voice was just too familiar. He needed to know who it was coming from.

"You mean you don't remember me, well now I'm offended." The man replied as he stepped out into the light. "After all you killed my son."

"John?" His voice was nothing more than a whisper. He couldn't believe he didn't recognise him sooner. It was John; Matt's dad. The shock of seeing him again after so long had left Sam feeling uneasy.

"Now you remember me. I should think so as well. It would be rather disrespectful to destroy a family then forget about them don't you think?" John was now standing right in front of Sam. He was looking Sam directly in the eye with a look that showed only pure hatred which Sam knew was directed at him.

He tried to think of something to say back but nothing came to him. He knew he should say something but he was lost for words. He hadn't seen this man in years. He had tried to see him after he came back from Afghanistan but he hadn't wanted to see him. Sam had tried many times after that to see him so he could talk to him and explain things but he never did and now here he is in front of him and he can't find anything to say. He just stared up at him trying to come to terms with the fact he was actually there.

"Cat got your tongue Sammy?" John was still staring at him waiting for him to say something.

"What are you doing, John" Sam barely managed to force the words out of his mouth.

"Well Sammy what I'm doing is what I've been planning to do for a while now."

"What?" Sam was totally confused and didn't know what else to say.

"You see Sam I've know now for a while what really happened in Afghanistan and not just the cover up version that makes you innocent and well since finding out I've been thinking. I've decided that I can't just let what you did to my boy go. I've decided you need to pay for it. I've decided that you need to suffer and I intend on ensuring you do." John stated, his voice had been growing with anger as he spoke but it was a controlled anger that had a goal and a plan to get there.

"John, I'm so sorry for what happened to Matt but it was…"

"Save it Sam." John cut him off mid sentence. "It's past the stage for apologies now. Now its time for revenge."


	6. Chapter 6

"John you don't have to do this." Sam couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew John. He was a good man. He shouldn't be doing this.

"That's where your wrong Sam. I do have to do this. I have to it for me, for my wife and most importantly for Matt. He deserved better than to be killed by his best friend."

"I didn't mean to. It was an accident. You can't really believe I would have done it on purpose." Sam was trying everything possible to stop his voice from breaking but he couldn't. The memory of losing his friend and being confronted by his father was too much and he couldn't keep the regret and sadness from sounding in his voice as he spoke.

"You're lying Sam! Both you and I know it. You killed Matt in cold blood." The anger in John's voice was becoming stronger each time he spoke.

"No, I didn't. It was an accident!"

"Enough! I'm done listening to your lies. It's time for you to catch up with someone else now."

John turned around and Sam looked past him to find the second man still standing in the shadows by the door. Slowly the man walked into the room to stand in front of him. Sam couldn't hold back the small gasp of shock that escaped his lips and for the second time that day he couldn't believe who was standing before him. Chris, Matt's little brother was standing there staring him straight in the eye and if looks could kill Sam was sure he'd be dead. Sam could easily tell that Chris was having a hard time controlling his anger as he watched him clench and unclench his fists while shifting his stance every few seconds.

"Now Sam here's the deal, personally I want to take things slow and make you admit to what you have done but Chris here doesn't agree. He would rather kill you right now and have it over with but I think that would be too easy. So we have come to an agreement. I'm going to give you two some time alone so that Chris can get rid of some of his anger that has built up over the years and then I'll come back and have my turn."

Sam didn't know what to say. This was too much for him to take in. He knew that he should use his job to help him but it was as if he had forgotten everything he knew that could help him. So instead of saying anything that could help him he just stared blankly at the men while John continued to talk.

"Now before I go, we are going to move you and if you make any attempt to escape or fight us I will kill you right now okay?"

Sam nodded slightly in agreement unable to speak to argue as he saw John pull out a gun and focussed it on him. He watched as Chris moved behind him and removed the handcuffs that attached him to the chair. Moving his hands in front of him he rubbed at his wrists but made no attempt to fight. Chris then grabbed a handful of Sam's hair and forced him to the side of the room where he replaced the handcuffs on Sam and attached them to the length of chain that ran upwards towards the roof. Sam had known what was coming as soon as he saw the chain but made no effort to resist as the chain started to get shorter forcing him to lift his arms above his head as his body was lifted off the ground. Sam immediately felt the strain that was placed on his wrists and shoulders as his feet left the ground and the cuffs dug sharply into his skin as he hung there.

Sam knew he should have made an effort to escape but the truth was he couldn't. Matt's family had been his family too. He and Matt had grown up together and whenever things got hard for Sam at his home Matt and his family had always been there for him. Looking out for him and making him feel welcome and loved something he never felt with his own family and seeing them now act with such hatred towards him had left him shocked and unable to do anything to help his situation.

The sharp sting in the side of his face as John slapped him brought Sam out of his thoughts and back to reality.

"It's rude to ignore people Sammy. Now as I was saying I'm giving you two an hour to sort this out then I will be back." John was saying as he turned around and walked towards the door. He was just about to walk out when he stopped and turned back around. "Oh I forgot to say there's just one rule to follow I need you to follow Chris. Don't kill him." He said and then exited through the door leaving Sam and Chris alone.

* * *

"He can't have just disappeared into thin air there has to be something we have missed." Ed said slamming his fist down onto the table in frustration. The team were sitting gathered round the table in the briefing room after finding nothing at the scene. "Spike, are you sure there was nothing on the CCTV?"

"Yeah I'm sure. All the cameras in the building had been disabled." Spike replied frustrated he didn't have any leads for them.

"And not one person in a building full of people saw Sam come or leave."

"Ed you have to calm down." Greg was saying as he pulled Ed to the side of the room and began trying to reason with him and make him see he wasn't helping anybody while he was angry.

Meanwhile Jules sat at the back of the room away from everyone else staring into space. She couldn't believe that Sam has just vanished and that were no clues as to where he went. She wanted to believe there was a simple explanation for why he was gone but she knew that the circumstances were just too suspicious. That wherever he went it was not through choice. This thought had been in her mind ever since she found his gear on the roof but now that she had finally admitted to herself she couldn't stop herself from thinking about the worst case scenario. She began to think about what she would do if she lost him. _I can't lose him. I already lost him once by putting my career ahead of him and I just got him back. I can't lose him again, I love him. _Tears had begun to flow down her cheeks as she thought but she hadn't noticed. Nor had she noticed that Greg was now sitting beside her talking to her.

"Jules" he said, concern showing in his voice as she still didn't answer.

"Jules come on talk to me." Finally he got through to her and she lifted her head and looked at him. "Hey you okay?"

"No." she whispered, wiping at the tears that were falling down her face.

"Jules we'll find him."

"But what if we don't? We don't know where he is or what happened to him. We have no evidence to say he left of his own free will but nothing to suggest that someone made him leave either. We have nothing."

"We have to stay positive. If we all think like that then you're right we won't find him and that's why we can't think that way. I know it seems like we having nothing right now but if we keep looking then something has to turn up sooner or later."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I just… I can't lose him." she said as she finally managed to stop crying and wipe away the last traces of tears from her face.

"I know Jules, I know but we will find him I promise." Greg said praying to God that he could keep this promise.


	7. Chapter 7

Standing at the front of the briefing room Greg looked at his team. Jules was still sitting at the back of the room and while her eyes were red from crying her features now showed determination to find Sam. Ed was standing at the window staring out at the city looking annoyed but calmer and more in control than earlier. Spike and Raf sat beside each other at the front of the room not talking or moving only thinking while signs of worry showed on their faces.

Greg was barely holding himself together. His concern for Sam was growing with each passing minute. He knew Sam and he knew that no matter what was going on with him he wouldn't just up and leave without telling his team, he was smarter than that, which meant that he didn't leave through choice. Greg had come to that conclusion as soon as he had seen Sam's gear on the roof and the gut feeling he had told him he was right. Dealing with the fact one of his team members was missing wasn't easy but he knew there was a bigger problem. Finding him.

It had took a while before the team had looked calm enough to start talking but now that they were it was time to make a plan. Greg took a breath and looked to where Spike sat.

"Spike can you check and see if the GPS on Sam's phone is working?" Greg asked shaking Spike out of his thoughts. He received only a nod of the head as an answer before the younger man took off to retrieve his laptop and complete his task.

It was only a few minutes later when the team gathered behind Spike, who was working away on his laptop in front of him. Watching to see if they could track Sam's phone each of them silently hoped they could. After a few more seconds of tapping on his keyboard Spike turned around to face Greg.

"Sorry boss, his phone is turned off I can only track it when it's on." Spike reported defeat sounding in his voice. Instantly the team lost a little hope but before anymore was lost Greg began to talk.

"It's okay Spike I assumed it would be but it had to be checked." Greg said to Spike directly before addressing them all together.

"Okay team I know you are all worried about Sam and you want to know where he is and what's happened but unfortunately I don't have the answers. All I know is that Sam is gone and someone has taken him so right now we all need to focus and work on getting him back." Greg was glad his voice sounded confident and didn't show how worried he really was about Sam.

"First thing we need to do is try and figure out who would want to take Sam. To do that we need to start looking at old case files, see if there's somebody who could be holding a grudge against Sam and willing to act on it." Greg hadn't needed to say anything further as the team sprang into action to look for possible suspects.

* * *

The sound of the door clicking told Sam he was now completely alone with Chris. He had expected Chris to come at him straight away but instead he remained a few steps away, looking at the ground. Sam wondered if he was having doubts about what he was doing and decided to try and talk to him.

"Chris, you don't have to do this. You can let me go right now and…"

"No!" Chris cut in suddenly, looking up at Sam. He appeared to have forgotten his doubts and was back to being pissed off. This was the first thing he had said and even though it was just one word Sam felt the harshness of it. Chris was his little brother he never had and it hurt to hear him use that tone.

"Please Chris, just think about it for a minute." Sam said in an attempt to calm Chris down.

"Don't talk to me! You killed my brother; you have no right to say anything to me!" Chris snapped. Sam wanted to say more but the words had cut into him like knifes and he was left speechless. He looked Chris in the eye and saw that all the anger he had kept bottled up for years was being released and nothing Sam could say was going to help so he kept quiet.

"How could you do it Sam? How could you just kill him?" Chris' voice was less angry now. In fact it was almost pleading Sam to give him a reason that would make everything okay. Unfortunately Sam didn't have one.

"I didn't mean to. It was an accident. I was cleared to fire; Matt shouldn't have been there." Sam hated having this conversation at the best of times but having it with Matt's brother was too hard. He knew what he was saying was true but saying it to Chris made it sound like a feeble attempt to get out of trouble.

"Liar."

The moment Sam heard this he knew it was game over. He watched Chris walk towards him and tried to prepare for what he knew was coming.

Chris cracked his knuckles then punched Sam full force in the stomach. It completely winded Sam and he closed his eyes and tried to catch his breath. But before he could Chris hit him again this time in the jaw. Caught off guard Sam's head was thrown back and he could taste blood in his mouth.

Chris spent the rest of the hour hitting him as hard as he could. A few times he stopped to catch his breath but came back quickly and started again. By the time he stopped Sam head was dipped forward and his eyes closed as he tried to control his breathing and not pass out. He had blood running down his face from the cut above his eye and his split lip, his shoulders were aching from the strain of holding him up so long and he was pretty sure he had a least one cracked and some very bruised ribs. He attempted to shift he weight in his arms but groaned as it only caused more pain.

Sam had taken plenty of beatings mainly courtesy of his father so he knew how to keep his cool and block out the pain but he was finding it hard to do this time. It took him a good few minutes before he had his breathing sorted and began to try and shut the pain out; it worked but only partially as the continuous strain on his shoulders wouldn't let up.

Deciding he couldn't block all of the pain out he gave up and opened his eyes. He expected to see Chris standing in front of him waiting to say something but he wasn't. Sam looked around the rest of the room but no one was there. He hadn't heard Chris leave but he guessed he must have done so while he was trying not to pass out from the pain. Sam tried again to shift the weight in his arms but his attempts were futile. Each time he moved it caused more pain. He quickly gave up as black dots started to cloud his vision again but instead of fighting, he let them come and soon he was unconscious.

* * *

**A/N** - Sorry for the delay in the update having a bit of writers block. Re-wrote parts of this chapter 4 or 5 times before I left them and not entirely sure if it has turned out okay now but I tried. Anyways sorry again for the wait and will try updating quicker in future.


	8. Chapter 8

_Sam was efficiently moving from body to body identifying the person and checking their pulse. Once he was happy they weren't getting up again he moved on to the next. He hated this part of a mission but it had to be done. Walking over to the last person lying on the ground he stopped dead in his tracks and turned away. The body was still a couple of steps away but he thought he had recognised the face. After a minute and having convinced himself he must have made a mistake he slowly turned back around and closed the gap between him in the person. Shock and disbelief filled him as he looked down at the man. There lying on the ground with blood running down his face from the bullet hole in his forehead was his best friend. Sam crouched down and began to reach out to check for a pulse when he felt a hand grab his arm. Looking down he saw it was Matt's. His eyes were now open and he was staring at Sam. _

"_You did this." Matt stated to Sam._

"_No this wasn't suppose to happen." He replied while trying to escape Matt's grip but the hand tightened round his wrist making it impossible._

"_But it did happen." Sam shook his head but said nothing. "Yes Sam. You killed me. Not enemy fire or a bomb but you, my friend who I trusted with my life." _

"_No" Sam's voice was barely a whisper but Matt heard it. _

"_Yes. You did this. You killed me! And now … well now it's time to pay." Matt began to laugh, as he finally released Sam's arm allowing him to move back. _

"_No. This can't be happening." Sam was sitting with his kneels pulled up to his chest arms wrapped around them, rocking back and forth slightly. He kept mumbling to himself and he watched the body in front in him shake from the laughter coming from its lips. He closed his eyes, resting his head on his knees. "This isn't real. It isn't happening." Saying the words he was unsure if they were true but willed them to be as he tried to shut out the sound of laughter._

Pain flooding his body brought Sam out of his dream and back to reality. He felt like crap and his latest nightmare hadn't helped. In fact it had left him doubting himself. It had taken Sam a long time to accept that what happened to Matt was an accident and that it wasn't his fault. But between his dream and the way Chris and John had looked at him he wasn't so sure anymore. _No. It was an accident, it wasn't my fault, and there was nothing I could do. But maybe there was. _In an attempt to escape his thoughts Sam slowly lifted his head and peeked open his eyes to see John standing in front of him grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Well Sammy, have to say your not looking so hot." Sam didn't bother to answer he was tired and just wanted to be left alone to sort out his head and so he just stayed quiet letting his head drop forward again.

"Aw come on now. No need to pout." John was speaking in a smug voice clearly happy that Chris worked out his issues with Sam well enough. He waited for a reply but when Sam still didn't answer he continued again. "Okay no chit chat then we shall just get straight down to business. I'm going to give you a chance to admit what you have done right now in order to save yourself a whole lot of unnecessary trouble. If you do so I will kill you quickly but if you do not then I promise you it will be a long, drawn out and painful death." John's voice had a more sinister tone to it now and it made Sam uncomfortable. "So Sam what's it going to be?"

Sam didn't know what to say. He had Matt's death on his head and he knew that but as guilty as he felt about it he couldn't do what John was asking. He couldn't say he killed his best friend because it wasn't true. He hadn't intentionally shot him but John couldn't see that. Sam knew he needed to answer quickly but thinking through his options he didn't like his chances either way.

"I'm sorry John I really am. Matt shouldn't have been there. He shouldn't be dead but I didn't kill him. It was a horrible accident that should never have happened but it's not my fault that it did. Please you have to believe that I would never have done it on purpose." Sam pleaded with John to try to make him see the truth.

John's eyes flashed with anger as he stepped closer to Sam so that their faces were centimetres apart. "Now that's just the thing. I don't have to nor do I believe you. It was your fault and it's about time you stopped getting away with all your lies."


	9. Chapter 9

John had removed Sam's t-shirt and shoes leaving only his trousers covering him. Sam didn't want to think about why he did it but he knew it wouldn't be for anything good. He watched John move to the side of the room where he now noticed there was a bag sitting. John opened it and quickly removed a baseball bat before walking back to Sam.

John was holding the bat in his left hand gently tapping the end into the palm of his right hand while glaring at Sam. After a minute or so he adjusted his grip so both hands were holding the bat behind his head ready to swing forward.

"Ready, Sammy?" Sam bowed his head and shut his eyes hoping to make it through in one piece. John laughed at Sam's action then swung the bat as hard as he could towards Sam. It hit him on the right side on his ribcage and Sam cried out in pain as he felt one of his ribs brake under the force. John swung the bat again this time on his left side and again Sam cried out. When the bat made contact the third time Sam didn't scream but bit his lip as hard as he could to stop himself.

Sam wasn't sure how many time the John hit him. He had lost count at twelve but he was pretty sure John was on a mission to break all of his ribs and he was doing a pretty good job. After what seemed like forever he stopped. All the air had been knocked from Sam's lung and he tried to take a deep breath but his breath caught in his throat and he started to cough. The coughing made the pain in his ribs worse but he couldn't stop. By the time he did stop he could taste blood in his mouth and he was completely out of breath.

Having learnt his lesson he took smaller breaths and tried to regain some composure but failed. Sam couldn't believe how much pain he was in. He had never been so tired and sore in his life but he knew that John was just getting started. Resisting the urge to sleep for a week Sam forced his eyes open to look at John.

He was standing in front of him like every other time but there was no bat in his hand this time. Instead John was holding a long sharp dagger. Sam knew he was in trouble now. He was almost at his limit for what he could physically endure and he wasn't sure he would make it through what John had planned for him next.

_Maybe I could just say what he wants me to then this would all stop… No I can't. I can't do that… can I? _Sam didn't know what to do. He knew he didn't kill Matt or was pretty sure he didn't but he wasn't sure he would be able to keep denying it to John. More so doubts were creeping into his mind about his innocence and he was becoming more and more unsure if he should be denying it.

* * *

**A/N – **So I know it's not much of an update but I felt like I should post something. I'm having a pretty hard time writing this just now for two reasons. One my exam results come in tomorrow and I'm worrying about how they are going to turn out and two I just can't get over this block. I know where I want to go with this story in my head but it just won't come out right so I will try and update soon but it may be a while if I can't get the story out of my head and onto paper.


	10. Chapter 10

Jules threw the file she had in her hand down in the table, frustration taking over. Sam had been missing for five hours and the team still had no clue to where he was. The team were all sitting around the table in the briefing room still going through old case files with the exception of Spike who was trying to access traffic cameras that were close to the where Sam went missing to see if they picked up anything.

"Damn it! This isn't working." Jules all but shouted breaking the silence in the room. Everyone looked up at her surprised at her sudden outburst. She continued before anyone had a chance to answer. "Sam has been missing for hours now with god knows who and what happening to him, meanwhile we are just sitting here doing nothing to get him back."

"Jules we are doing everything we can at the moment. I know it doesn't seem like much but we don't have a lot to go on so we are working with what we have." Greg was saying in a calm voice, trying to talk her down for the second time that day. Of course she knew he was right but she couldn't help but vocalise her fears and she was about to again when Spike interrupted.

"Boss, I think I have something." The words had barely left his mouth but the team were already surrounding him to see what he had found.

"What you got Spike?" Greg asked, new found hope sounding in his voice.

"Well I've been looking at the traffic cameras from the street in front of the building and found nothing but there's an underground parking level in the building I didn't notice to begin with. The entrance for it is at the back of the back so I looked at the cameras for that street and found this." Spike pulled up a picture of a black van parked on the street across from the building. "The van pulled up here and parked sat there for five minutes before it drove into the car park. I checked the times that the security cameras went off inside the building and it was a few seconds before the van entered. I checked the registration plate of the van and it's registered to a John Keating."

"Good work Spike, do you know if he has a connection to Sam?"

"Yeh, he does. He's the father of Sam's friend Matt." Spike didn't need to say anything else about Matt. Everyone in the team already knew about him and how Sam had accidently shot him during an operation in the war. This knowledge only made the tense atmosphere in the room worse as they knew that this was most likely about revenge and it would not be good for Sam. It was a few minutes later when the information had completely sunk in and Greg began talking again.

"Okay team we now know who but we need a where. Spike do you have his current address?"

"Yeh but boss I wouldn't bother about that."

"What do you mean?"

"Well it looks like John recently purchased an old warehouse just outside of town. It's a bit off the beaten track and doesn't have any buildings nearby so would give privacy if someone were to try and hide something or somebody."

"Spike send the address to our phones." Greg said as he moved away from him and towards the door. "Okay team let's go get our guy back."

* * *

A searing pain shot through Sam as John dragged the knife slowly and deeply across his lower abdomen. Sam was beginning to grow tired but the pain kept him alert enough to hear what John was saying.

"Do you know what you did to my family Sam? …" Sam didn't answer. He couldn't, all his energy was drained and he hung limply from the chains holding him up struggling to stay awake. John wasn't happy with no reply and he again dragged the knife across his body. Sam groaned in pain and unsuccessfully tried to move away from the knife.

"No, well let me tell you. When we found out that Matt had been killed we were devastated. June was hit hardest though, you remember her? June, Matt's mother who always treated you like her own son, well she couldn't handle his death. She started to drink every night and only stopped when she passed out. That wasn't the worst part though. At first we weren't told what had happened to Matt just that he was killed during a mission but I wanted to know more. So I arranged to talk to your father and I begged him to tell me what happened. He was reluctant but he eventually told me what happened. That friendly fire had killed Matt and that the friendly fire had came from your gun. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to find you and kill you as soon as I found out but my wife and son needed me so I didn't. I stayed with them and tried to help them get past it. June didn't get past it though, she couldn't. For two years she drank and cried until one day she couldn't take anymore and she killed herself."

Sam lifted his head at this. He looked at John and saw he was close to tears talking about this. That was the last straw for Sam. He couldn't do it anymore. Learning about June and his lack of physical strength had left him defeated. He couldn't keep making the excuses in his head to take the blame away from him. He killed Matt and because of the June was dead now too. He was at fault and there was nothing that could be said to change that. He knew that now and was ready to accept the consequences of it.

"Okay." He voice was barely above a whisper but John heard it and he moved closer to answer.

"Okay what?"

"I did it… I killed Matt… It was all my fault." Sam's voice was weak but the defeat could be heard in it. John smiled at Sam."

"Oh I know it is Sam, was just waiting for you to admit it. Now it's time to end this." Sam knew what John meant and he was okay with it. He had killed so many people it was his turn to die it was what he deserved.

John took the knife which was still in his hand and slowly and painful pushed it into Sam's side. Sam groaned with pain as John pushed the knife further before he began to twist it from side to side slightly. Sam thought he would pass out from the pain but his body didn't comply. He groaned again as John twisted the knife one more time before pulling it out quickly. Sam was breathless and he knew the knife had punctured a lung. He watched as John put the knife back in the bag, picked it up and left him alone to die. Sam could feel the blood running down his stomach as he slowly lost consciousness.


	11. Chapter 11

The three black SUV's were swiftly making their way down the dirt road towards the warehouse. Jules was driving the first SUV and she knew she was driving faster than she should be but she couldn't help it. The possibility of Sam being in that warehouse pushed all of her logic aside and she was acting purely off her emotions. _Hold on Sam. We are nearly there. _

A minute later the warehouse came into view and the four vehicles pulled up in front of it. Jules had barely stopped the car before she was jumping out wanting to get inside as quickly as possible. The rest of the team clearly had the same idea as seconds later they were entering the building guns at the ready.

The area was open plan so it was easy to spot Sam as soon they went it. Jules had been praying to find him there but when she saw him she almost wished he hadn't been there. He was the first thing she saw. He was hanging from the roof by chains and he was so pale she swore he was dead. She was aware the rest of the team were moving around the room checking it was clear but she was frozen at the door. She couldn't take her eyes off him. She just stared at the blood and bruises that covered his body. She felt like she had been standing there for an eternity but it had only been a minute or so when she realised she needed to check if he was dead.

Feeling like she was in her own world away from everyone else in the room she moved towards Sam so she could check for a pulse. Ed reached him before her though and he began to feel for a pulse. Jules stopped and shut her eyes as she waited for the words to be said confirming she had lost the man she loves. The words didn't come though and she opened her eyes again only to hear Ed.

"I've got a pulse, its weak and thready but he's still alive." The words knocked Jules out of her dream state and back into reality. She rushed over to Sam and watched as the rest of the team sprung into life to help Sam.

Greg was telling Winnie to get EMS while Ed was working on getting Sam down. He positioned Raf at one side of Sam and himself at the other to gently lower him to the ground when Spike released the chain.

"Okay on three. One… Two … Three…"

* * *

He could hear people moving about the room but he couldn't open his eyes, he didn't have the strength. Sam had drifted back into consciousness but barely. He listened as feet on the floor started to get closer to him and he prayed John wasn't back for more. He waited for something to be said but instead he felt a hand on his neck and then a voice which sounded familiar. He couldn't make out what was being said but it didn't matter he realised who it was. It was Ed.

_No. He shouldn't be here. I don't deserve help. He needs to leave._

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt hands on his sides. They were gripping tightly pushing against his ribs. Before he could question what they were doing he found out as the pressure on his arms was suddenly gone but it mounted on his ribs. He groaned loudly as he felt his body being lain down on the floor.

New waves of pain were flooding his body as his arms that had been asleep began to wake up and new irritation of his ribs. He almost passed out from the pain but a voice stopped him.

"Sam… Sam… Can you hear me…? Come on Sam open your eyes for me."

"Jules?" The word was more of a groan than anything else as he battled to stay conscious.

"Yeh it's me. Can you open your eyes?" Sam didn't think he could but he wanted to see her so slowly he managed to peek his eyes open a fraction so he could. He noticed the tears running down her cheeks but she ignored them as she smiled down at him.

For a moment Sam felt safe and happy but then he remembered what had happened. He wanted her to leave. He was a murderer and he didn't deserve her. She had to go and leave him alone. He had given up and she didn't need to see that.

"Go." It took a lot of effort but he managed to say it.

"I'm going anywhere Sam. I'm staying right here with you."

"No… go…" _Why won't she leave can't she see what I've done and that I deserve this._

* * *

She had assumed when Sam had said 'go' he meant don't go so she assured him she wasn't going anywhere but then he said it again. 'Go'. Why was he telling her to leave? She wanted to ask him but the medics had arrived and she moved aside to let them work.

She noticed they were talking quickly, clearly worried over Sam's condition but she couldn't help but focusing on what Sam had said. She moved with everyone else as they exited the warehouse and Sam was loaded into the waiting ambulance. It took off almost immediately and minutes later she was in the SUV heading to the hospital. Greg was driving this time and she was resting her head against the window deep in thought.

_What was that about? Why did he want me too leave? Did I do something wrong? Right I need to stop thinking about it. I need to get him through this alive. Concentrate on that. Keep him alive._


	12. Chapter 12

Arriving at the hospital Jules had barely given the SUV a chance to stop moving before she was out and running into the building. Having spent a fair bit of time here herself she knew exactly where she was heading and within seconds she was standing at the Emergency Room's reception desk demanding to know about Sam.

She was talking quickly and the nurse had been confused at first and didn't tell her anything but when she calmed down enough to talk properly she explained herself she told her what she knew.

"Yes a blonde man came in here a few minutes ago. He was taken straight through to be assessed but I'm afraid that's all I know. May I ask what your relationship is with him?"

"I'm his co-worker." Jules had wanted to say that she was his girlfriend but she was all too aware that the rest of the team had caught up to her and were standing a few paces away listening in to what was being said. Although most of them had worked out what was going on it wasn't allowed and so out of fear for her job she stuck to the basics.

The nurse appeared to consider Jules for a moment before continuing.

"Okay, would you be able to fill out these forms then?" Looking down Jules reached out a shaky to take the papers. "If you could get them back to me as soon as you're done that would be great and for now if you could just take a seat in the waiting room I'll let the doctor know that the young man…"

"Sam." Jules interrupted. She hadn't meant to but it she didn't like him not being called by his name, it was too impersonal.

"Sorry, Sam has some people here and he will be able to give you an update."

Jules turned away from the desk and moved towards her team. She was relieved to hear that Sam was being treated but she desperately wanted more information. She felt tears prick at her eyes as the situation began to overwhelm her. Greg clearly saw this as he took the forms from her handing them to Ed who nodded as a sign he would take care of them and helped her move to sit in the waiting area.

"Jules, how are you doing?" There was a deep concern in Greg's voice and looking at him she saw the same in his eyes.

Opening her mouth to answer she realised she didn't know what to say. Everything had happened so quickly that she didn't know how she was. She was worried about Sam's condition, happy for finding him, scared of losing him, angry at the person who did this, confused about what Sam had said. She was feeling so many different emotions that she was having a hard time keeping it together let alone trying to explain herself to others.

So instead of giving a vocal answer she simply looked at Greg, hoping her eyes could portray everything she was feeling without the need for words. Apparently it worked as he sighed, nodded his head in understanding and moved away to give her space.

Tears were dangerously close to escaping her eyes again when she noticed a man in a white coat approach the waiting area. The man had a solemn look on his face which did nothing to settle her nerves.

"Family of Sam Braddock?"

* * *

Sorry for the delay in and updating and the short update at that but life is just being difficult right now. Between going back to school, my part time job and work experience I have had no free time lately to do anything apart from eat and sleep but I'm starting to get a routine worked out so I should be able to post more often but I can't make promises so it may be another while before an update but I've not given up the story and I will finish it, it just may take some time.


	13. Chapter 13

3 hours. It had been 3 hours since the doctor had came and told the team that Sam was being prepped for surgery and that he would come back later with details before he disappeared through a set of white doors to Sam. Since then Jules had been pacing about the small waiting room impatiently, frequently looking to where she last saw the doctor in hopes that he would have returned. Ed had said to her that no news was good news but she didn't agree. She desperately wanted to know what was happening because not knowing was killing her.

Just when she thought she was going to go mad if she didn't get news soon she saw the white doors open and the doctor from earlier step through. Jules had wanted to rush up to him and demand answers but she was aware her team wanted answers as well and that it would be more polite to allow him a chance to speak before she grilled him with questions.

Walking up to the group the doctor nodded slightly as a greeting and then began to deliver his news. "Well the good news is that Mr Braddock is alive and survived the surgery." The doctors smiled as he heard the sighs of relief but quickly became serious as he continued. "However Mr Braddock is still in a critical condition due to his extensive injuries. He has several broken ribs, his left shoulder has been dislocated and his left wrist is broken. There is swelling on his right ankle which is probably badly sprained but not broken. He has evidence of receiving several blows to the head which suggest that he may have a concussion but I cannot be certain of that until he wakes up. He has severe bruising on most areas of his body, along with some cuts and scrapes. Finally he has a stab wound to his abdomen which resulted in a punctured lung. The surgery to repair the lung went well, although we did lose him once we were able to get him back. Fortunately Mr Braddock was a very healthy young man and although it will take some time he should recover fully with no long term side effects."

Jules and the rest of the team stood no moving or saying anything as they tried to take in what the doctor had said. It had been clear when they found Sam he was hurt but they hadn't been sure how badly until now and hearing the severity of his injuries had left them in shock. The doctor appeared to understand as he stood patiently waiting for them to come to terms with the news.

"Can we see him?" Jules finally managed to force out. She couldn't believe what she had just heard and she now needed to see him to prove to herself that he really was still alive.

"Mr Braddock is unconscious from the operation and is currently in ICU, the best thing from him right now is rest however I can allow one of you to see him but only for five minutes and then I will have to ask you to leave and come back tomorrow."

Jules turned to the team and saw them all nod in agreement before Greg spoke.

"Go ahead Jules; you need to see him more than us. I will wait here for you and take you home after."

Jules smiled slightly at him, before saying goodbye to the rest of the team, and then returned to the doctor who motioned for her to follow him. She walked down the hallways, taking a left here and a right there but not paying attention to her surroundings. Her focus was only Sam and seeing him.

One elevator ride and a never ending walk later, she was standing outside of Sam's room. She listened as the doctor told her he would be back in five minutes before she took a deep breath and stepped inside the room.

In her line of work Jules had seen her fair share of horrible sights but nothing could have prepared her for what she saw now. She stood at the entrance to the room staring at the man she loved lying in the hospital bed as tears came to her eyes. He looked so small and weak lying in the bed. There was several wires running to and from his body for a variety of purposes, his chest was bare and the covers stopped at his waist revealing the dark purple bruises that covered his abdomen and chest along with the bandaged area that covered his side. However it was how pale he looked that got to Jules. He was so white that he also blended in with the covers on the bed.

Slowly Jules moved to the side of the bed and took his hand in her own. She looked at the bandage wrapped around his wrist and she let the tears escape her eyes. Bending over she kissed him gently on the forehead before talking gently to him.

"Sam I hope you can hear me in there because I need you to listen to me. I love you so much and I have already lost you once before and I couldn't bear to do that again so I need you to do me a big favour and don't give up. I need you to keep fighting so that I can help you walk around the floor a couple of hundred times." Jules smiled briefly remembering the way Sam had helped her after she had been shot. He had been there to help her when she needed it and now it was time to repay the favour. "Please Sam, don't leave me okay."

Hearing a knock on the door Jules turned around to see the doctor signalling to her it was time to leave. She gave Sam another kiss promising him she would be back tomorow before reluctantly letting go of his hand and making her way back down to find Greg.


	14. Chapter 14

Sam was slowly dragged back to consciousness by a constant and rather irritating beeping noise. His head felt fuzzy and he wasn't sure what was going on but he wished someone would turn the noise off. Each time it beeped it sent a stab of pain through his head. He groaned slightly as he shifted his body awakening a whole new set of aches and pains to join his head.

"Sam?" A voice interrupted his thoughts as he felt someone take hold of his hand. "Hey can you open your eyes for me."

Forcing his eyelids open Sam was greeted by a very bright and white room which caused his vision to blur and he had to blink a few times before he could focus again. When he did his eyes immediately fell on Jules on was standing beside his bed smiling at him.

"There's those baby blues I've been waiting to see." Jules said to him as he began to look around the room taking in his surroundings only just noticing he wasn't in his own bed at home. Jules must have sensed his confusion as she began to explain.

"You're in the hospital Sam. Do you remember what happened?" Sam had been focused on Jules and so hadn't been thinking about this but when Jules asked him everything that happened came back to him, hitting him like a truck.

"Matt." His breath hitched as he barely whispered the word.

"Yeh his dad and brother kidnapped you. We found you in a warehouse outside of town. You were in pretty bad shape and you had to have surgery when you arrived here."

"How long…" Sam interrupted her. "How long have I been out?"

"Three days. The doctors wanted to keep you under for a while give you a chance to heal a bit before you woke up. I was…"

"Chris? John?" Sam knew what Jules wanted to say but he didn't want to hear it. He couldn't hear it. He just wanted the facts about what he had missed.

"Oh. Ummm. Well we tracked them down to a motel but when we tried to approach them they pulled out guns and took the receptionist hostage. We tried to talk them down but Chris had a gun to the woman's head and he was becoming increasingly anxious and we were forced to take lethal action against him. After this happened John opened fire on us and we had to take him out as well. I'm so sorry Sam."

Sam couldn't believe what he had heard. More people had died because of him and here he was still living. He heard Jules continue to talk to him, trying to get him to answer her but ignored her and stared at the ceiling thinking about what he had done. It was only when she began to say sorry again that he acknowledged her.

"Don't." His voice was flat and quite.

"Don't what?" Confusion was evident in Jules' voice as she answered.

"Don't be sorry. I caused this. It's my fault I don't deserve your pity."

"What? Sam what are you talking about?" Concern replaced any confusion Jules had as she struggled to understand what Sam was thinking.

"I killed them. I killed them all. It's all my fault." Despite his best efforts to keep it steady his voice cracked and regret filled it as he spoke. "I'm a murderer Jules and you don't need to be around someone like me. You need to leave and stay away from me."

"No, Sam you can't be serious." Jules cried out.

"I am though." Sam tried desperately to blink away the tears filling his eyes not wanting to show Jules how hurt he was feeling. He just wanted her to leave. He didn't want her to be around him after what he had done. "I… I don't want you here. I want you to go… now."

"Sam, no!"

"Yes. Leave now and tell the rest of the team to stay away as well." Sam was staring at the ceiling now not being able to look at Jules anymore; feeling he no longer had the right to do so.

The sound of the door opening stopped the conversation as a doctor entered the room.

"Miss, I'm sorry but I am going to have to ask you to leave while I check over Mr Braddock."

Sam watched as Jules reluctantly left and he left out a small sigh of relief that she was gone and she wouldn't be coming back.


	15. Chapter 15

Jules was pacing anxiously up and down the corridor waiting for the doctor to come out of Sam's room. She kept replying the conversation she just had over and over again in her head trying to make sense of it. Sam had only been missing for half a day when the team found him but it was clear that something big had happened during that time. She wasn't sure what but something had changed him.

"Jules… Hey you okay?" Jules had been so wrapped up in her head she didn't notice the team approaching her until Ed touched her shoulder and spoke to her.

"Huh. Oh, um, yeh I'm fine." Jules said as she tried to pull herself out of her thoughts.

"Has something happened?" Ed questioned clearly worried something bad had happened to Sam.

"What? No. Well yes but no. Sam woke up"

"That's great"

"Yeh but something's not right."

"What do you mean?"

"When I was talking to him before the doctor came in he was saying things that didn't make sense. He was blaming himself for everything that happened and saying that he was responsible for the deaths of John and Chris." Jules said shaking her head, not able to understand where it was all coming from.

Greg came to stand beside her and began trying to explain. "Jules, Sam's been through a lot. We have no idea what happened when he was missing or what he went through and I can't begin to imagine the emotional trauma he went through as well as the physical but what I do know is that he needs us now. He isn't thinking straight and his head isn't in a good place so we need to make sure he knows we are there for him and pull him through this, okay?"

Jules looked at Greg and nodded before moving towards the doctor who had just exited from Sam's room.

"How's he doing?"

"Mr Braddock is doing well considering what he went through. All his injuries seem to be healing up well and as long as there are no issues overnight I see no reason why he can't be released to recuperate at home. Although he will need to take it easy and have plenty of rest"

Jules mood improved as she heard this news and she moved towards Sam's room to see him but the doctor stepped in front of her blocking her path. She looked at him confused as an apologetic look appeared on his face.

"However Mr Braddock has asked for no visitors and in order in to aid his healing I'm afraid I must oblige and so unfortunately I must ask you to leave." Jules opened her mouth to protest but the doctor cut her off. "I am very sorry miss but there is nothing I can do to change this. Please excuse me, I must see to my other patients." With that the doctor turned and walked off down the corridor while Jules stood open mouthed in shock.

Vaguely Jules noticed a nurse approach the team and ask them to leave. She heard Ed begin to argue with the woman and Greg step in to prevent it. She watched as one by one the team members reluctantly retreated out of the hospital until she was the only one left. Then slowly she walked over to Sam's room door and look through the glass panel at the top. She saw him lying in the bed looking out of the window then as if he sensed her presence he looked through the door to her. For a moment she thought she saw regret in his eyes for not letting her in but then his features turned cold and took on distant look and he turned away from her.

It was a simple action but it hurt Jules. It meant that Sam didn't want her here; that the man lying in that bed wasn't the same man she knew before. She backed away from the door and began to leave the hospital when she remembered what Greg had said.

She needed to find a way to show him that he wasn't responsible and that everything would be okay. So as she walked out of the exit to her team she became determined that she would get her old Sam back.


	16. Chapter 16

_The ground was cold and hard beneath him. His back was sore from lying there but he couldn't move. He tried to move his hands, his legs, his head but everything was frozen in place. Giving up he sighed inwardly and stared up at the sky. He was lying on the ground in the middle of nowhere so he had a clear view of the night sky and the stars that filled it. _

_He had just begun to try and pick the brightest one when he heard a noise. His natural instinct was to turn towards the noise but he quickly re-discovered his inability to move when he heard another noise, a branch snapping, near his head. He tried to look back but could see nothing. _

_Sam began to hear what sounded like footsteps approaching him. The footsteps were getting closer and closer to him and he began to worry about who it could be. As soon as they started the footsteps stopped. Before he could try and figure out what was going on when suddenly a figure appeared; standing at his head looking down at him. _

_He squinted his eyes trying to see the figure's face but it was too dark. He opened his mouth to ask who he was but no words came out. Resigned Sam simply watched as the man moved from his head to his side then crouched down next to him. Doing this allowed this allowed Sam to see his face. It was Matt. _

"_Well, well, well Sammy. I would say look at what the cat dragged in but then not even a cat would come near you; would it." Sam looked at Matt confused at what he was meaning. _

"_What the great Sam Braddock doesn't know what I mean? Well that figures. All brawn no brains." Matt taunted Sam but quickly became more serious. "Well let's see, why would anybody want to be near a murderer like you?" _

_Sam tried to shake his head and tell him he wasn't a killer but he couldn't so he was forced to remain silent as Matt continued. _

"_Don't deny it. You and I both know the truth here. You are a cold blooded killer. You don't care about anyone or anything but yourself." The words almost stung Sam as Matt said them but there was nothing he could do to stop him. _

"_Just look at yourself Sammy. Look at all the blood on your hands. Mine. June. John. Chris. All the people you killed in the war. All the people you never saved on the SRU. You are the reason they are dead. You killed all of them and yet here you are; still alive. You deserve to die Sam. It's about time that you get what you deserve." _

_With that Matt pulled out a long knife from behind his back. He brought it to Sam's face before plunging it into his stomach. Searing hot pain filled Sam for a minute before it all went black._

* * *

Sam bolted upright in bed. He was covered in sweat and gasping for air. It took him a few minutes to notice that he was still alive and in hospital. He realised that everything to do with Matt had just been a dream but the feeling he had was very real. He knew now that without a doubt he was worthless. He knew that he had taken the lives of so many innocent people that he had to pay. He knew what he had to do and how he was going to do it.

Having found a new determination Sam carefully manoeuvred himself out of the bed trying not to aggravate his injuries. He went to the cupboard at the side of the room to retrieve his clothes and other belongings that had been left their earlier by Jules for when he got out. For a second his mind wandered to Jules and if she was okay but he quickly got rid of those thoughts as he reminded himself that he was no good for her and she would be better off without him.

Fully dressed Sam swiftly exited his room and then the hospital. Once outside he found a taxi to take him home. There was something he needed to pick up first then he could get on with it.

During the ride Sam's mind continuously wandered to the different people in his life. He kept wondering about how they will feel, if they will be okay, what they will do? But he kept coming back to the reassurance that they would be fine and that he was finally giving out justice.

Arriving in his apartment, Sam quickly found what he was looking for. He was about to leave when he stopped to write a short note leaving it on his kitchen counter before picking up his car keys and making his way back outside. Entering his car Sam knew his destination and so he set off for Grayson Cemetery.

* * *

Jules was sound asleep in bed when the phone rang. Slowly and reluctantly she dragged herself out of bed to see who would be calling at 3 o'clock in the morning.

"Hello"

"Hi, is this Miss Callaghan?"

"Yes it is. Who is this?" Jules asked more alert now.

"My name is Stacey Pierce; I am a nurse at Memorial Hospital. I am calling to inform you that a patient of ours Sam Braddock has left without being released and you are his emergency contact so I must ask if you have seen or heard from him."

"What? No. I haven't seen him since yesterday at the hospital."

"Miss, Mr Braddock is still recovering from very serious injuries and it is important that he returns to the hospital so that he does not cause further harm to himself so if you see him please encourage him to come back here."

"Yes. Yes. Of course." Jules was in shock. She had seen Sam earlier and although he looked better, he didn't look ready to leave on his own.

Quickly she thanked the nurse and said goodbye as all the possibilities of Sam lying hurt somewhere trying to get home filled her head. Without wasting another second Jules turned and headed for her bedroom to get dressed so she could go find Sam.

Half an hour later Jules was letting herself into Sam's apartment using her key. She quickly and efficiently checked every room in the flat calling out Sam's name as she went but discovered he wasn't there. Walking into the kitchen to check one more time Jules noticed a bit of paper on top of the counter. Picking it up she read the scribbled words.

_Jules, gone to see an old friend. I'm sorry. _

Reading this Jules only became more concerned as she tried to figure out why Sam was sorry and who this old friend was. After a few minutes it all clicked together for Jules. She thought about what Sam was saying in the hospital, and what had happened before that with John. She pieced everything together and worked out that he was talking about Matt but she still didn't understand why he was sorry.

Ignoring that for the time being Jules headed back to her car to go to the cemetery that she had visited only once before with Sam when he had explained to her about Matt. Dread filled her as she began to get a bad feeling about where this was heading.


	17. Chapter 17

Arriving at the cemetery Sam got out of his car and walked to the grave that he had visited many times before. At some point during the journey it had started raining and now Sam was getting completely soaked. But he didn't care. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.

Sitting down on the grass Sam looked at the headstone in front of him. All the times he had been here he had never felt guiltier than he did now. Slowly he reached inside his jacket pocket and removed the gun that he had picked up at his apartment.

The metal was cold and hard against his skin but it reminded him of his purpose; of what he needed to do.

"I'm so sorry Matt." Sam began talking to the grave in front of him. His voice breaking with each word. "It's all my fault. I killed you. I killed your parents; your brother. I never took the blame all those years ago but I will now. I am responsible for it all and it's timed I paid the price."

Sam finished his last sentence and took a deep breath. Slowly he raised the gun to his head while silently praying for forgiveness. Taking another breath he was about to pull the trigger when he heard a voice calling to him.

At first he thought he was imagining it and tried to focus. But then he heard it again and it sounded closer.

"Jules?" her name was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

"Sam! Oh thank god." Jules cried out as she ran towards Sam to stand in front of him. "What are you doing?"

"Jules. No. Wait. You can't be here. You have to go." Sam pleaded with her.

"I'm not going anywhere Sam. I'm staying right here with you." Jules stated, keeping her voice calm as she knelt down in the wet grass in front of Sam. She noticed that he had tears in his eyes and his hand was shaking slightly as he held the gun.

"Please go. I don't want you to see this."

"No I am staying." Jules voice somehow managed to sound calm and determined despite her increasing anxiety. "Tell me why Sam. Why are you doing this?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Sam muttered while continuing to stare at the ground like had been doing since Jules arrived trying to get himself to pull the trigger. He couldn't do it though. Not in front of her. He just wanted her to go so he could end this.

"No it isn't. Please explain it to me."

"I'm a murder Jules. Plain and simple. I am the reason that they are all dead and now it's time I took responsibility for that."

"How is killing yourself taking responsibility?" Jules couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had never heard Sam sound so defeated.

"It's what I deserve. So many people die while I live. It's not fair. This is me paying the price for what I did. This is me doing everyone a favour."

"No Sam that's not what you're doing. You're running away." These words caught his attention as he finally looked up at her. "Sam you have so many people that care about you and don't want anything bad to happen to you. If you kill yourself here you're not helping anyone but you are hurting lots of people. How do you think I will feel? How am I supposed to go on when the one thing I care about most in this world has just abandoned me. Sam, I know you are hurting. I know you feel guilty about a lot of things that have happened but you have to listen to me. It is not your fault. It is not your fault that Matt died in the war; it was a terrible accident. It is not your fault that John and Chris pulled guns on our team. Not everyone can be saved Sam but you can be. You have so much ahead of you and there is no way I am letting you quit on me now. I lost you once and I am not letting that happen again." Jules was crying now and her tears mixed in with the rain that was still steadily falling.

Sam had listened to everything Jules said and he couldn't help with the tears started to escape his eyes as well. Looking at her Sam noticed every detail from the way her wet hair stuck to her face to the small look of hope flickering in her eyes. He knew in that moment that he wasn't ready to lose her yet. He couldn't deny the guilt he still felt but he also felt hope now too.

Hope that somehow Jules would be able to get him through this and they could work it out together. So slowly Sam let his hand holding the gun fall away from his head. He dropped it on the ground before leaning into Jules who immediately wrapped her arms around him burying her face in his neck.

"I love you Jules." Sam whispered.

"I love you too Sam and we will get through this together."

* * *

THE END


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